What should have been a happier time for me, just wasn't to be. For those of you with depressive illness, you'll likely understand. Depression is insidious. I was steadily descending into the dark last winter and didn't know it, even though I'd been there before, on meds for depression since 1998, and in therapy on and off for years. What finally woke me up this time were three things:
- I no longer felt like I could consistently do the work necessary to keep my job
- I was having angry outbursts at people that didn’t seem appropriate to the situation and
- I was feeling more isolated from everyone, including my husband, than I'd ever felt before.
I am fortunate to be employed by a progressive educational and research non-profit with excellent support systems, including a good Employee Assistance Program. It didn’t hurt that my supervisor has exceptional empathy skills and was very supportive of me getting the help I needed. Also, not long before my need for help slapped me upside the head, my HMO started a new mental health program intended to teach coping skills to those who have not improved using antidepressant meds. This program is an extension of Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) called Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT), with additional components of "mindfulness" and guided meditation. More about this therapy modality below the break.